Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
