The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
