so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
