I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
