I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
