You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
