porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
me + whiskey = a bad person
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
