I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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