And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
