So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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