I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's shark week go big or go home
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
