Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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