We're like a lot better than the average bears
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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