I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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