I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
