There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
