I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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