you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
