Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
