I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
