I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
