There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
