Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Holy shit dude........stairs
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
