I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
