Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
