I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
