Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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