This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
