Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
