There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
