I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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