I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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