I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
