Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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