Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
