k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
FUCK WHALES
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
