Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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