I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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