listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
