Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
