I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
