Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
