Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
