Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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