Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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