toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
