she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
