that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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