After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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