Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
