First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
