It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
