The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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