her facebook's as public as her vagina
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
