Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
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