I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
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