Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
