I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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