the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
