do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
