I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
