doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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