i always forget guys have bellybuttons
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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