Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
