he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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