I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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