just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
