Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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