Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Four minutes until I can fart!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
